Friday, 21 December 2012

End of World - Day 2

Earthdate 1.  The first day of the New World, or lack of world.  9 hours I spent on this first line, the only thing that could take my mind off what a fool I have been.  10 years I have to live.  10 years of rations.  I could stretch it to 15 perhaps, 15 years of endless hunger and for what?  So I can be stuck down here alone with only my mind and its terrible images longer still?  It feels like years already.

I dare not go outside to see what is left.  If I survived, perhaps some few others have too, far far from here.  Or perhaps not.  I should be patient, wait until the burning maw of hell closes, or the seas lower, or whatever other horror awaits outside is lessened or gone.  Maybe then I can venture fourth and try to find others who prepared as I have.

I know now I should have made more provisions, I should have made it possible to look outside, or hear outside without leaving my shelter, but it seemed too dangerous at the time.  Now, I'm as good and blind and deaf, I hear only my own breath, see only this small room.

No matter.  The worst must be over and here I am, alive.  Because when others doubted, I prepared.  I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, I may be the founder of a new civilization on Earth - one day.

I need sleep, it has eluded me too long.  Tomorrow is the second day after the end of days.  Perhaps it will be the first day of the beginning of my world?

End of the World Diary

Bearded Man's log. Earthdate, 0. In my End of the World bunker, terrible silence overwhelms me. I dare not look outside and see the means of the end for the hellfires may be too strong and burn my flesh.

I fear my stockpile of beans and water may not hold me through the worst of it. 10 year's supply, but already I hunger. Is anyone else still alive, or was I just lucky? Is it luck to be the only one left, alive but my sanity slowly dying by the day? Only time will tell.

It must still be dark outside, I dare not wonder what the light will bring, for I cannot venture out to see it. Perhaps not all will be lost, I have only hope and yet it may be my hope that betrays me to the bitter ruin of madness.

Perhaps sleep will offer some relief for now, but I expect only nightmares. When I close my eyes I see only death and horror. Time passes, it is inevitable. Sooner or later the truth will be manifest even down here and I will know my fate. If I am still myself enough to see it...

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Growing a Beard

So I've decided to grow a beard.  This is because I am awesome and all awesome people ever have had beards.
Chuck Norris!

This Guy!

Lindsey Stirling!

The question that lurks in my mind is what comes first, the beard or the awesome?  Chuck Norris was born with a beard, the other guy is an enigma, which leaves Lindsey Stirling.  I've seen images of her without a beard before, but I'm pretty sure they've all been Photoshopped because beards aren't considered very feminine.  Either that or she has an ethereal beard of the spirit realm that manifests through will alone and only to those worthy of seeing it.  And no, I don't know why there are two overlapping mustaches above her right eye...

Based on the fact that polar bears are only in the North Pole, I posit that "beard" and "awesome" are in fact one and the same and that neither beget the other.  One can thereby rationally conclude that anyone who is awesome must also have a beard and that if one hasn't a beard than one is not awesome.  As such while it is ostensibly true that I have not had a beard it must in fact be a fallacy and indeed I have actually always had a beard, though it has not been made manifest in the physical universe.

It is possibly the manifestation of my beard in this mortal realm will also signify the coming apocalypse of 2012, or perhaps instigate it.  This would be unfortunate, but is a risk I am willing to take.

If there is a plague of locusts descending o'er the laannddd shortly, I apologise.

Now if you'll excuse me for a moment... I have to grow a beard.
Penny Arcade!