Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Size of a Spire

So it was 5am, and I was thinking about what kind of house to move into once my rental period ends here.  The first thing I was sure of is I wanted some kind of awesome feature to make it worthwhile, like a spa.  But given spas aren't necessarily broadly strewn I gave consideration to what other features may be worthwhile and came up with "crypt," "waterfall" and "spire."
Now a crypt and a waterfall are pretty much cool however you look at them.  If you go to someone's house and there's a crypt you don't find yourself considering if it is really quite big enough or sufficiently dense with bodies.  You just accept there is a crypt and that it is awesome.  A spire however does beg the question, when is a spire really a spire and not just a cone shaped extrusion from the ground?

So this left me thinking, how big does a spire really have to be to be a worthy alternative to a spa and when would it be so small that is it simply a disappointment and even possibly detracts from the overall awesomeness of the rest of the property?

I'm thinking a spire begins to have meaning and relevance at either four stories or twice the height of the house itself, whichever is taller.  That is, it must be at least four stories tall, but if the house itself is three stories it must instead be six tall, for example.  Anything less than that and I don't think you'd really be getting the full spire experience.

You know, a friend comes over and you're like "Hey, check out my 5 story spire!" and he's like "Oh, but it's not even double the height of your three story house, what is the point of that?" and then you become all sad and introverted, ashamed that you took such pride in something so insignificant.  Life just isn't as bright as it once was, food doesn't taste as good, even the crypt can't cheer you up.

But then imagine you had a 6 story spire with a three story house!  It's a difference scene entirely, your friend comes over and is like "What the hell is that in your back yard?" and you casually reply "Oh that?  That's my spire, yeah, got that put in special."  See the difference?

The problem is though, when is a spire a viable replacement for a spa?  Because the thing with a spa is you can come home feeling all tired from work, go and sit in the spa and feel better.  You can spend hours there each day of the week, you can bring friends to join you, have a spa party!  But I don't feel an ordinary spire quite meets that requirement.  It's a one off thing, you invite a friend over and they are like "Wow, that's cool!" and that's really the end of it.  You may admire it from time to time, but you know you'd occasionally feel a bit disappointed that you went with the spire instead of the spa.

I'm thinking 600 meters is the cut over point.

It's a bit of a large gradient, but that seems to me the sweet spot, where you go home and you just look at your spire and that is actually your entertainment for the evening.  You sit there on a deck chair with a cigar and just admire it.  600 meters is where your friends come over and start to think to themselves "If we could just set up some rigging, we could base jump off that thing!"  it's actually something to be a bit proud of.  You can invite friends over to just kind of check it out and be like "Wow, that's a big spire.  Where'd you get it?" and you can be all cool and suave like "What?  You don't have a 600 meter spire in your backyard?  Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise.  Eww, don't touch me with your peasant hands!"

From there the sky is literally the limit, only it isn't because lets be honest here - space spire!

At this point we really need to work out a gradient scale of awesome house features.
1) Spire > 600m
2) Spa
3) Crypt
4) Spire < 600m
5) Waterfall
6) Pool
7) Generic spire

I hope that helps you in your house hunting as much as I know it will help me.

1 comment:

  1. this looks like a nice idea for a house. you have good taste i hope you get one the way you want it. i like how you write it is interesting enough to keep me reading. keep posting