Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Icebergs Are Awesome!

So I saw this picture of an iceberg:

I didn't get time to pay attention to the words, because - iceberg!
How badass is that iceberg?  On a scale of 1 to badass, that iceberg is a deep fried bacon burger riding a flaming tank that fires swords!  It makes me think "Why don't I have an iceberg?"  I feel this is a deep and intrinsic problem with contemporary society - a dearth of worthy goals.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying an iceberg is an "end" per say, nor even a means to an end.  The having of an iceberg is merely a representation that an end has been met and that end is awesomeness.

Let's just get right into this.  Look at that picture again.  Why do you not own one of these?  Where are you right now?  I'm in front of my computer in a room downstairs in a house I am renting.  It's a nice house with a nice view, it is not mine though and I see no iceberg.  For that matter I don't see a moose or a caribou either, and this saddens me.  Where did we - you and me both - go wrong that we have neither a caribou nor an iceberg?

Picture it, Saint Oluf, 1942.  No wait, that's the Golden Girls.

Picture it.  That is your iceberg, perched upon its peak is a castle of stone and marble, your castle.  Sitting in the conservatory gazing across the vast ocean, pipe in hand, sword in the other.  Not intended as a euphemism.  Why a sword?  If you need to ask, you don't belong in this fantasy!  Nested in the depths of your iceberg castle (note than in my world, iceberg is an adjective), vast catacombs replete with indoor pool and golf course.

Failure to plan is planning to fail.  But planning to fail is also planning to fail.  And planning that doesn't involve an iceberg castle conservatory in your near future is clearly planning to fail!

Thus let it be said for posterity.  I soon, shall own an iceberg.  And a caribou.  So it is written, so shall it be!

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